Lessons from friends
Reflections of a 30 year old
In my most recent Substack essay I wrote about my harrowing journey to 30 and if it’s shiny promises held true.
What I failed to comment on was all of the lessons learned along the way. Alas, I cannot take credit for them myself. A basket of friends have held me through the hard times, weaving their hands together beneath me so that I did not slip the cracks, forever lost into the dark. The time spent in their embrace has left me with lessons, lessons that I would not trade for all the riches in the world.
My friends are so fantastic that I thought I would share their lessons with you. You don’t have to know them to learn from them.
(Also, why don’t we make more public statements of affection for our friends? The internet is littered with proposals, poems about lovers and mushy status updates about our significant others. Let’s make it a thing, shall we?)
The lessons are as follows:
Rivers taught me to give away the things you love to the people you love. (Favorite books, your mom’s shirt, collages, baby photos)
Lisa taught me that it is, in fact, not illegal to be a multi-demential human. (And that life is much more interesting that way)
Carmen taught me the recipe for turning friends into family. It is as follows:
Ample time + unbridled silliness + holding out for one another when you don’t see eye (even if it takes years to come back together again)
Charlie taught me the recipe for turning friends to kin, even when you’re long distance:
A firm commitment to seeing each other X amount of times per year + honest storytelling + last minute emergency flights when being there in person is what matters most
Kaysn taught me that even big dreams come true in small towns. (And that sometimes the small town becomes the big dream)
Caleb taught me that the saying “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken” has merit
Wesley taught me that gender and sex are not rigidly bound together as the world would have you believe. Be silly with them both.
Apex taught me that trans people must be protected at all costs. They are some of the sweetest souls on the planet.
Jason taught me that the little things matter most; stitch by stitch, drop by drop. To embrace the wabi-sabi of it all.
Meg taught me that life can change in an instant. It’s what you do after that instant that matters immensely.
Ian taught me that true friendship means gathering even when you are tired. Even when you are not your “best self.” Keep gathering.
Sam taught me that there are still people left who care about the world and all of its tiny living things. You will meet them. Have hope.
Bean taught me that all of the burdens we think are ours to bear alone are, in reality, shared. Start talking about them.
Anne taught me that farting in front of your friends is not a crime. It will instead make you laugh until your stomach cramps and your lungs give out. (In a good way)
Tim taught me that loving someone else doesn’t require sacrificing your true self. It enhances it, like a pebble by the river shining brighter after a dip.
Thank you for sharing what you've learned from your friends. Obviously you care deeply for them, and in a world that aims to divide people, you and your friends are living, breathing proof that the world continues to turn toward connection and not division.
Mi hermana, my how my world has opened since meeting you.